I am getting older. I celebrated my 27th birthday on the 19th, and with that I felt a certain weight place its fingertips gently on my shoulders. My young adult life was (and is, I recognize that 27 is not old) filled to the brim with adventure, a clumsy and new-found lust for living, and many, many mistakes. It seems to so many young people that they are invincible, and with the brash rush of life and freedom one receives when leaving their parents' nest for the first time, they truly do test the limits of their vitality. 

   It's hard to think about the future realistically, especially when the environment in the U.S. is the way that it is. As I gain more experience and try things, I'm realizing that I'm beginning to really appreciate financial literacy, and the idea of not living paycheck to paycheck. I'm wondering if my efforts on social media will ever be rewarded by allowing me to be compensated for the effort I make to produce beautiful & authentic content. I wonder if I'll ever make a living being an artist, or if I'll survive the grind of the young opera singer. 

  When your life looks like mine, it can be difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel at times. Still, even during my darkest thoughts, the tiniest warmth in my chest glows like a tea candle. Gone are the days of teenage hopelessness; my years have taught me that life doesn't end without cause, and that-even if my sight is hazy-moving forward is the only option. Hope. There will always be something to move towards, no matter what the weight pressing you deeper into the mud tries to make you think. 

​   Dear Reader, I wonder what your 27th year looked (or will look) like. Did you transition into a more mature way of moving about the world, or did you continue to relish in the beautiful disaster that are our 20's? Will it get better, will I be happy?

   I suppose the only one who can answer those will be me.

   These first two months of 2025 have felt like an eternity. The world is on fire, and it can be hard to stay grounded when we are constantly accosted with the horrid. With my content (even somewhat sour blog entries like this) I hope to give you a break from the chaos, the constant barrage of yelling and color and quickness of the social media feed. I hope what I bring is an opportunity to slow down and to appreciate what life has to offer.

   Despite it all, we're still here, aren't we? 

   

   Being with an opera singer is hard. Between the constant initial grind of Auditions, coachings, and apprenticeships, it can seem like quality time (or time at all) with your partner is scarce to be had. There is always work to be done; translating, practicing, finding new techniques, learning language, research, etc. It's no wonder why opera singers are known to not have much of a life outside of their chosen career. It's similar to all those whose passion consumes them: how does one find a balance between the constant call of improvement and a home life? For many working singers, their partner is also a performer, or at least involved in the arts in some way. It's much easier to find balance with someone who understands just how much their career demands. Career opera singers are frequently on the road, travelling from one 5-week gig to their next. 

   Now picture, in addition to all of these factors, the person you've chosen to commit to in some capacity is also human, with their own strengths and weaknesses, their own traumas and flaws. To those not compatible with the lifestyle, the sheer stress of being with a performer can be overwhelming. It should be stated that many opera singers enjoy a lush home life; with contented partners and happy children aplenty. The real chore is finding and maintaining that balance.


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   I find that my particular quirks make it difficult enough to find someone compatible; and those who believe they can handle the loneliness of having a frequently-absent partner are-many times-mistaken. The romantic plight of the opera singer is this: to find a love and relationship so strong it can withstand the stress of the career they pursue. As of last week, I am newly single, and the progression of how I came to be has caused a lot of personal reflection to occur. Relationships are not one-sided, it takes two (or more, you do you) to have a strong and lasting bond, and I find that my people-pleasing tendencies are more of a detriment than a help.
 

   As bitter as I feel about the actions my now ex-partner took that caused me to end our relationship, I realized that his actions weren't about me, but about him, as they had always been. As I turned to focus on the upcoming performance ahead, I realized that in order to take care of my former partner,  I had neglected to take care of myself. My little rituals, the intentional ways I had enjoyed taking care of myself, what I chose to do in my off time and how I chose to feed myself-all of it had been rather negatively affected by my relationship. At 26, I think it's time to be more intentional with myself. Life for me didn't end when I was 17, so now that I'm still around almost a decade later, I may as well take a chance and learn how to thrive, instead of barely survive. 

   It has taken a few relationships to realize that perhaps a big part of growing up and maturing is taking accountability for your actions. While I have absolutely grown more comfortable with admitting and accepting my mistakes, I want to take this time to really take ownership of myself. I want to develop healthy habits, revel in the joy that life has to offer, create my own home, and truly, deeply, enjoy what life has to offer. I think it's time for me to work more openly on my career goals, to be more intentional with how I love myself, and to be more intentional with the relationships I cultivate. 

    As apt as this timing has been, here are a few goals I hope to begin cultivating now (but we can call them New Year's Resolutions, for the aesthetic):

   1. Continue to cultivate a daily movement routine

   2. Prioritize friendships more

   3. Grow my social media & continue blogging

   4. Begin giving recitals (this one is daunting!)


   I hope that if you, Dear Reader, are going through a breakup, that you can accept it with grace and take the extra time you have to take care of yourself with intention. I hope we can both learn to thrive and to be present in this life, and to learn to embrace it to the fullest.  

Happy Holidays, Dear Reader. May the new calendar year bring us joy and community aplenty.
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   Of course; hiking with friends is a lovely experience. However, there are many times when a quiet solo hike does one a different kind of good. The serenity of strolling along at your own pace, finding little treasures, appreciating the way the late fall sunlight casts its golden light through the gaps in the leaves, sometimes it's just hat the heart needs.

   I began hiking as a way to reconnect with myself after being displaced when leaving a bad marriage. Picking my way down hills and through the trees, I strived to simply get outside and into nature, to be alone with my thoughts. Perhaps because of this, I prefer to solo hike, as throughout my time spent on the trail I developed a sort reverence for nature, the one thing that could calm my mind. Hiking (no matter how strenuous) has become almost religious for me, it's a way that I can connect with nature and simply exist as myself with no performance. 

   As an opera singer, it can be difficult to take some time away from the craft. Between learning new repertoire, translation, lessons & coachings, the endless rehearsal cycles, etc. it can be an exhausting career to pursue. In fact, it can be easy to lose yourself in all the bustle of the day-to-day in general. Taking the time to walk and be with yourself in solitude can help you remember your goals, and remind yourself of your values. 
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   This weekend, I decided I would explore the Hidden Springs Trail at the Cedars of Lebanon State Park. It was a gorgeous 66 degrees and sunny, which is unusual for late fall in Tennessee. I had attempted this 5-mile loop once before last year, but was unfortunately chased off the trail by the biggest deerfly I'd ever seen. Nevertheless, I packed up my hiking bag and decided to brave the trail once more. 

   The crunch of the fallen leaves under my step made a satisfying sound while I picked my way down the path, the trail getting rocky. It wasn't long ago that I would have laughed at the thought of going on a 5-mile hike for fun. Me, the outdoors? Absurd. I reflected on how much I've grown as a person as I spied some Turkey Tails, and snapped a picture. It's a thrill to find beautiful plants, leaves, mushrooms on the trail. They're marvels of the natural world, each plant, each fungus an integral part of the ecosystem around us. 

   The trail itself is considered Moderate on AllTrails (A wonderful app if you're looking to get into hiking), and I would agree. While many parts of the trail are wide and relatively flat, there are also fallen trees on the trail that will require you to step over or duck under them, and quite a few rocky sections that will require some knee strength. For any readers that struggle with their knees, balance,  or bending over, please use caution and take a hiking stick!

   The loop takes you past many sinkholes and a stream in a forested area with lots of different trees. Because the trail is mostly dirt, prepare to get muddy if you go and it's rained recently. This trail is popular, so you're never far from help should you need it. While the loop itself doesn't have any sharp turns, keep an eye out for the white blazes on trees to help you find your way, as there are a couple splits in the path that can be confusing. 

   To conclude, I think you should hike this trail if you're ever in the area. It's definitely on the easier side of the 'Moderate' ranking, and the trail itself is gorgeous. There are bathrooms at the top of the trail and places for picnicking, so bringing a snack or lunch to enjoy before/after your hike is also a great plan. Because this trail is busy, it's a great one to solo hike, because there are a lot of people to help you if you need it. However, always remember to protect yourself and bring safety gear, just in case. 

And, Dear Reader, if you've never had the pleasure of being purposefully alone in nature, I highly recommend it. Sometimes the act of existing alone with your thoughts under the canopy of trees can help inspire change, or comfort a grieving heart. I know it certainly did for me.

In theory, hiking sounds easy, right? 

   I mean, you're just walking around in nature. How hard could it be? Coming from someone who's spent their entire life overweight and wholly unconvinced of nature, I wasn't sure what to expect. I had always longed to be 'outdoorsy', but between the ever-changing weather, the bugs, the wildlife...Hiking has always seemed rather intimidating. The nicely-paved metro park trails of my college town of Cleveland were a great toe dip into outside, but I was largely content to keep to their curated paths.

   Suddenly in late summer of last year, I found myself in a new state, in the middle of nowhere, and surrounded by Tennessee's many state parks. I had just escaped a bad marriage, and with nothing to do, I needed a hobby. I've always enjoyed moving my body, but for months prior to my sudden move, I had been too depressed to cultivate a healthy lifestyle. So...why not start small? I decided that maybe it was time to brave the bugs, and see what this 'Nature' was all about. 

   For my first few hikes, I kept it small. I was walking easy trails, usually about a mile and a half long. Getting moving after not having the energy was hard. I had no endurance, and my muscles ached whenever I dared to attempt walking on a path that wasn't smooth with no height variation. It was nice to be alone with my thoughts, and spending time alone in the fresh air and sun was a great way to gently encourage myself to heal, to regain some confidence in myself. 

   As I slowly began to challenge myself, my hikes got longer, and I got braver in visiting new state parks in the area. What awaited was a cornucopia of treasures: beautiful wildflowers, animals, and breathtaking views made all the huffing up hills and slipping in mud worth it. Pushing myself became less daunting, and I began to look forward to the next hike. I was less afraid of tripping. I began to smile more. 

   The best part? Discovering new plants and mushrooms to take pictures of!
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   I am by no means more than a casual hiker, to this day. However, I've begun to view life as an adventure, and finding new trails to stumble through has made me feel more confident in navigating adventures indoors, too. Learning to trust yourself and push yourself to new heights (sometimes literally) is so rewarding. Dear reader, even if you're not the hiking type I hope you find something that encourages you to be your best self. 

I think that today's culture regarding how we-as humans-consume, can cultivate within us a feeling of always having to get things done now, to rush about and expects results immediately.  When you're living in a city and surrounded by the hustle and bustle, it can be easy to get caught up in the pace and take the process of...of, things,  for granted. I want my coffee NOW. I don't want to take the time to cook. The commute can seem endless. The constant strain of always feeling like we have to be productive can cause lots of fatigue and stress.

Our lives are so short in the grand scheme of things, and before you know it a day, a month, a year can pass without you even thinking about it. I can't say that I subscribe to the mindset of the toxically-positive inspirational blogger; but many of them do have the right ideas.  Allowing yourself time to take a breath and notice your surroundings can really make a difference when you're feeling overwhelmed. 

As artists, we have to be especially sensitive to our emotional state. In order to be able to do the music we sing justice, it's important (in my opinion) to draw on our own experiences and feelings. The more we notice about ourselves, the more we can make the music we sing (or play) come alive. One of my favorite daily practices that helps me stay sane & enjoy life is to take a moment to appreciate the process of things. For example, I love the quiet moments in my apartment in the mornings when my electric kettle is heating my water for tea up. The quiet bubble of the water, and the sunlight streaming in through the blinds of my ancient window, the smell of the candle I lit to distract myself from the impending doom of doing Pilates....It's the little moments. Once, I took a picture of my lemonade because the sunlight made it look like it was glowing. Allowing ourselves to be in the present moment and just...exist, can not only feel great, but also allow us to notice new ways we can express ourselves. 

Sometimes, allowing yourself to just be can feel incredibly vulnerable. You may feel like crying, or throwing up, or you may feel anxious for no perceivable reason. Sometimes, allowing yourself the time to feel can allow emotions you were pushing down to come up. This is good! It's okay. Fully feeling an emotion is not only a great way to get to know yourself, you'll feel better after, and it can help you heal faster (if it's negative one). Breathing through how you're feeling, and learning to appreciate how you feel can really help you with emoting in a performance environment. 

More on emoting in a performance environment: I notice that when I allow myself to be fully present and not in my head during a performance, is when I give a more memorable one. This isn't to say you shouldn't be thinking and focusing through your show (oh god please keep an eye on the conductor and remember your blocking), but instead of feeling frozen with fear and anxiety, focusing on the flow of the plot and the beauty of the music can really make a performance shine.

  A note: I understand that's not easy. It's really hard. I'm a terribly anxious performer, and while I've learned a bit on how to regulate my anxiety pre-performance, I don't think that will ever fully disappear. It's okay to be anxious. It means you care.  

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To summarize, if you have the luxury of time, take the long way to work every so often. When you're getting out of your car, it's okay to stop for a few breaths to appreciate the warmth of the sun, or the chill in the wind, or the sweet kiss of rain on your skin. Smile at the barista. Maybe there's a new flower blooming on the side of the road where you're stopped for a red light. And then, when you're nose-deep in the translation of that new art song or role, how can you apply those moments? Don't be afraid to use your lived experiences to help you bring your text to life. And, hopefully, appreciating those moments will keep you a bit more sane, too. 

Dear reader, I hope you can feel the sun on your face today, and the breeze on your skin. I hope you can find something, anything, to romanticize, and that that moment will give you a little more peace. 

One of my favorite parts about the seasons changing is that the earth never changes its seasons in the same way. Different trees change at different times, even tress in the same species can change earlier or later than their relatives. The earth becomes bathed in a golden light, and chilly, cloudy days are welcomed with a cozy blanket and a cup of cocoa.  The world is preparing for a cold, dark sleep. It makes you appreciate the cycles that life goes through. 

It's during this season of change that I start to find more peace in outside walks. I love watching the light change while I search the tree line for new mushrooms, and appreciate the way the leaves spin as they dance down to their resting place. There's a sentimental smell in the air, and it makes old loved ones and whispers of vibrant times gone by flash beneath the brief respite a blink offers the eyes. My heart is pleasantly tight during the workday when flashes of sentimentality cross my path, during my glances up and out the studio window. 

When you're 26 and have lived the life that I have, you have a lot to reflect on. Building-brick by brick-what you think is your forever, only to have any semblance of that (and all of your sense of pride & self-worth) crumble unexpectedly tends to make you have a lot to reflect on. Dear reader, it's been a little over a year, and I'm just starting to stand again. Like a newborn fawn's, my legs shake as I stumble and struggle to even straighten my back, let alone to walk.  Finding work, finding a place as an artist, finding a life and friends and community...it is difficult. The people that I love and have tried their best to support me are starting to be able to relax their shoulders, and heave a sigh of relief. For them, and the love of all those who have offered it, I am eternally grateful.

I don't venture to say I'm out of the woods-in fact, these next few months are integral to how quickly I'll be able to start walking again. During this time, I'm beginning to cultivate habits not just for the now, but for the future. I've never done that before, think about when I'm old. But, I'm in my late 20's and now's a better time than later to start thinking about my physical and mental health in the far (though not so far as I imagine) future. Auditions are underway, cultivating a daily practice ritual is getting to be enjoyable, Pilates is...going, and being able to work has done wonders for the noggin. Every day, I'm exhausted. Every day, I'm starting to feel proud of how I'm growing stronger. 

In this season of change, it's encouraging to see that I, too, am changing.  

It's Fall. But, for some things, it's the first bud emerging from the snow. It's spring. 

I think that opera is one of the most difficult careers to keep up with. Between the maddening 4-6 years of university education (especially if you're studying in a conservatory environment), the constant cost of lessons, coachings, language courses, personal grooming, formalwear, travel, etc., and the time you have to spend daily taking care of your body and voice, it's a wonder that more people don't leave the community. 

 World mental health day was yesterday, but as a neurospicy emerging artist, I think it's important to talk about year-round. To preface, I think that everyone should at least be considering how their mental health is on a daily basis. I'm also not a trained psychologist, nor will I ever claim to be a mental health professional. If you can afford it, talk therapy can be an incredible tool to help you cultivate healthy mental habits. 

With all of that being said, let's talk about what helps me personally. Let's move in chronological order, from morning, afternoon, to evening. 

Morning:
  I really do think that the first hour of your day sets up how your day will go. I like to have a quiet morning, where I play soft, positive music and make myself a light breakfast. Allowing yourself time to breathe-and journal, if that's your thing-can really help ease you into a more lifted mindset throughout the day. During this time, I like to mentally prepare for the day ahead, do breathing exercises, and do my daily workout (Yoga or Pilates, but definitely yoga if I'm feeling stressed or overwhelmed). Having little rituals during your day that you can enjoy also help keep you grounded! For me, that's making my morning small pot of tea, and lighting a scented-candle. I also like to clean during this time (when my schedule allows). 

  All of this for me plays into my mental health. Eating nutritionally balanced meals effects how you feel internally. Exercise is the biggest thing that helps me mentally, I find that my energy is more consistent throughout the day and I'm less likely to get overwhelmed if I've moved my body in the morning. I know that my brain HURTS if I don't have a cleanish space, so my morning cleaning time (both in household and body) lets me feel accomplished and satisfies my brain for the day ahead. My rituals are something I genuinely enjoy, they feel like small luxuries that i can indulge in. 

Afternoon: ​Take a moment to stand and do some quick stretching. Evaluate your posture, are you hunching? If work or studying is getting to be too frustrating, do a breathing exercise and take 3-5 minutes to focus on something else. Maybe make yourself a hot beverage, or drink some water. Again, eating a nutritious (for body and/or brain) meal can give you a boost of energy and get your brain right for the rest of your workday. 

Evening: The drive home or to rehearsal after work is so important for me personally. It allows me to have time to de-stress and process the day's events thus far, It also gives me an opportunity to vocalize before rehearsals with the opera, or to listen to music I like before I get home and practice. If I have the energy and time, I also like to go on a walk outside. I love being outdoors, and being in nature can really help me decompress. 

Once I'm done with practice or rehearsal, I like to make dinner for myself and my partner. If you've read my last post, you'll know I try to shove as many veggies into my dinners as I can. Finding new & fun ways to cook them is such a good way to keep yourself from getting bored of eating nutritiously.  I also use my air fryer religiously, especially when I'm exhausted from a long day.  Then, it's relaxing time until bed. 
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It seems like after graduating college, life starts to move at a ridiculous pace. Taking time to appreciate aspects of your busy day, and looking at yourself in a positive light can really keep you from getting dragged down by the toil of living life in the way so many of us have to. 

Ultimately however, if you ever feel like your daily rituals and habits can't help, and you're in a dark place, please don't hesitate to seek help. It takes time to nail down a lifestyle that supports your mental health, so please don't beat yourself up if nothing changes for you immediately. We all have different brains, so we'll all have different things that will help us. 

What's your favorite ritual you like to enjoy?