Musings about Fall, from a 20-something divorcee

One of my favorite parts about the seasons changing is that the earth never changes its seasons in the same way. Different trees change at different times, even tress in the same species can change earlier or later than their relatives. The earth becomes bathed in a golden light, and chilly, cloudy days are welcomed with a cozy blanket and a cup of cocoa.  The world is preparing for a cold, dark sleep. It makes you appreciate the cycles that life goes through. 

It's during this season of change that I start to find more peace in outside walks. I love watching the light change while I search the tree line for new mushrooms, and appreciate the way the leaves spin as they dance down to their resting place. There's a sentimental smell in the air, and it makes old loved ones and whispers of vibrant times gone by flash beneath the brief respite a blink offers the eyes. My heart is pleasantly tight during the workday when flashes of sentimentality cross my path, during my glances up and out the studio window. 

When you're 26 and have lived the life that I have, you have a lot to reflect on. Building-brick by brick-what you think is your forever, only to have any semblance of that (and all of your sense of pride & self-worth) crumble unexpectedly tends to make you have a lot to reflect on. Dear reader, it's been a little over a year, and I'm just starting to stand again. Like a newborn fawn's, my legs shake as I stumble and struggle to even straighten my back, let alone to walk.  Finding work, finding a place as an artist, finding a life and friends and community...it is difficult. The people that I love and have tried their best to support me are starting to be able to relax their shoulders, and heave a sigh of relief. For them, and the love of all those who have offered it, I am eternally grateful.

I don't venture to say I'm out of the woods-in fact, these next few months are integral to how quickly I'll be able to start walking again. During this time, I'm beginning to cultivate habits not just for the now, but for the future. I've never done that before, think about when I'm old. But, I'm in my late 20's and now's a better time than later to start thinking about my physical and mental health in the far (though not so far as I imagine) future. Auditions are underway, cultivating a daily practice ritual is getting to be enjoyable, Pilates is...going, and being able to work has done wonders for the noggin. Every day, I'm exhausted. Every day, I'm starting to feel proud of how I'm growing stronger. 

In this season of change, it's encouraging to see that I, too, am changing.  

It's Fall. But, for some things, it's the first bud emerging from the snow. It's spring.