On Breakups, and New Beginnings

A lone rose on a withering bush, Audubon Park, New Orleans

   Being with an opera singer is hard. Between the constant initial grind of Auditions, coachings, and apprenticeships, it can seem like quality time (or time at all) with your partner is scarce to be had. There is always work to be done; translating, practicing, finding new techniques, learning language, research, etc. It's no wonder why opera singers are known to not have much of a life outside of their chosen career. It's similar to all those whose passion consumes them: how does one find a balance between the constant call of improvement and a home life? For many working singers, their partner is also a performer, or at least involved in the arts in some way. It's much easier to find balance with someone who understands just how much their career demands. Career opera singers are frequently on the road, travelling from one 5-week gig to their next. 

   Now picture, in addition to all of these factors, the person you've chosen to commit to in some capacity is also human, with their own strengths and weaknesses, their own traumas and flaws. To those not compatible with the lifestyle, the sheer stress of being with a performer can be overwhelming. It should be stated that many opera singers enjoy a lush home life; with contented partners and happy children aplenty. The real chore is finding and maintaining that balance.


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   I find that my particular quirks make it difficult enough to find someone compatible; and those who believe they can handle the loneliness of having a frequently-absent partner are-many times-mistaken. The romantic plight of the opera singer is this: to find a love and relationship so strong it can withstand the stress of the career they pursue. As of last week, I am newly single, and the progression of how I came to be has caused a lot of personal reflection to occur. Relationships are not one-sided, it takes two (or more, you do you) to have a strong and lasting bond, and I find that my people-pleasing tendencies are more of a detriment than a help.
 

   As bitter as I feel about the actions my now ex-partner took that caused me to end our relationship, I realized that his actions weren't about me, but about him, as they had always been. As I turned to focus on the upcoming performance ahead, I realized that in order to take care of my former partner,  I had neglected to take care of myself. My little rituals, the intentional ways I had enjoyed taking care of myself, what I chose to do in my off time and how I chose to feed myself-all of it had been rather negatively affected by my relationship. At 26, I think it's time to be more intentional with myself. Life for me didn't end when I was 17, so now that I'm still around almost a decade later, I may as well take a chance and learn how to thrive, instead of barely survive. 

   It has taken a few relationships to realize that perhaps a big part of growing up and maturing is taking accountability for your actions. While I have absolutely grown more comfortable with admitting and accepting my mistakes, I want to take this time to really take ownership of myself. I want to develop healthy habits, revel in the joy that life has to offer, create my own home, and truly, deeply, enjoy what life has to offer. I think it's time for me to work more openly on my career goals, to be more intentional with how I love myself, and to be more intentional with the relationships I cultivate. 

    As apt as this timing has been, here are a few goals I hope to begin cultivating now (but we can call them New Year's Resolutions, for the aesthetic):

   1. Continue to cultivate a daily movement routine

   2. Prioritize friendships more

   3. Grow my social media & continue blogging

   4. Begin giving recitals (this one is daunting!)


   I hope that if you, Dear Reader, are going through a breakup, that you can accept it with grace and take the extra time you have to take care of yourself with intention. I hope we can both learn to thrive and to be present in this life, and to learn to embrace it to the fullest.  

Happy Holidays, Dear Reader. May the new calendar year bring us joy and community aplenty.
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