On Love: A practice in Commitment, and Communication

A man signing a decorative wedding certificate, Baltimore, Maryland

   I think that deep down, everyone has a desire to be loved and understood. We spend our lives cultivating relationships in hopes that the people we care about care about us too, and truly want to see you for you, and not superimpose their ideals and wants on their perception of you. 

   Love in all forms is complicated, from the realization that your parents are only human and make mistakes, to bittersweet goodbyes to a romantic partner that you love but can no longer pursue. 

   Our 20's are for coming into our own, and as I enter my late 20's I realize that there are many kinds of love I've already had the privilege to experience. Of all the relationships I've had the pleasure to cultivate, I find that friendships are some of the most rewarding. Celebrating you and your friends' accomplishments, working through adversity together, challenging each other to grow and make better choices, the late night talks, the emotional support, the positive encouragement from someone who wants nothing more than to see you succeed...in this way, we create a community around us that will love and cherish us for our whole lives. Friendships come and go, they fade in and out, but the deep sense of care and affection you have for your close friends never really fade, even if your communication lulls. 

   In my (almost) 27 years, I have had the immense privilege of meeting the most interesting people, and I can only imagine who else I'll meet in my brief time here on Earth. Lovely, beautiful people with rich histories and ringing laughter fill my life, as they do everyone else's. We all go through our struggles and sorrows, but finding strength in community is our common denominator. It is through our friends we learn what platonic love is. It is through our friends that we find meaningful connection without the worry of the complexities of navigating through romantic relationships and sex. We learn to love our friends with all their shortcomings and to celebrate their growth. I love my friends deeply. 

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   My two dear friends got married this weekend. Their love is so devoted, so tender. The way they care about each other and tend to their other half's needs guides me to treat myself and my relationships with the same care. They are both creatives, and the way they inspire each other and feed off each other's energy makes me envious. Nobody is perfect, but their commitment to love each other through the difficult, in spite of the mistakes, and the way they care for each other int their times of weakness and strife is truly something to aim towards. 

   My own relationships are often complex, as everyone has their own traumas and baggage to navigate. I find that there's something to celebrate and to love in everyone, and I truly believe everyone is deserving of love and understanding. 

   In life, lots of people navigate their relationships in an all or nothing sort of way. I don't live like this; there's always a spectrum. I've played by the rules of how relationships are supposed to progress, and I find that perhaps the "norm" doesn't work well for me. I enjoy deep, meaningful relationships with friends, and no time limit for a pause in communication. I enjoy casually getting to know someone without the expectation of a dedicated relationship. I know my ideals may not be for everyone, but it takes a lot of the anxiety of having a timeline out of my experiences with people. 

   I love people, and I love learning about people. There is a saying, "To be seen is to be loved." But, I don't agree with that in its entirety. To me, to be known-truly known- is to be loved. Dear Reader, I hope that your relationships-platonic or not-are full of people who know you. May the bittersweet goodbyes of inevitable partings slowly crumble to fond memories of lovers past, and may new loves bloom for you in fields. May our endings and beginnings bear sweet fruit, and lasting friendships for our lives, however long we are blessed to have them.